My life revolves mainly around Allah, and my religion. It sub-revolves around Coldplay, Rhett and Link, Boyinaband, RoomieOfficial, insectophobia, food, and so many other things I cannot fit into a bio.
Woah thanks stranger
Dreaming of the Osaka sun.
"Holy cow, there’s a pole right in front of me, play it cool, you’re NOT gonna ruin this video because of a freaking pole, Chris is behind you and he’s looking at you ffs, and there’s a man on your left who’s acting like crazy, come on, keep walking, don’t be scared, it’s gonna be ok, don’t show any fear on your face, i’m worried about my umbrella behind though, Chris is gonna kill me for that, stay calm, LOOK AT YOUR BUBBLES and it’s gonna be fine, okay this is the MOMENT GUY YOU CAN DO IT, IT’S JUST A POLE!
Like a boss.”
Hiya :3 Thanks for messaging me, because like… you don’t know me and I don’t know you, and it’d be so easy for you to just ignore all my posts or whatever. But you didn’t. Nah, you saw a post where I seemed a bit upset, and you reassured me. It kinda came as a shock to me that someone who is pretty much a stranger would do that, and it made me feel a bit happy-sad :)
I decided to answer publicly so that you don’t feel any pressure to read any of this, which you might have felt if I’d replied just to you…
So. I’m in a weird sort of headspace at the moment. I guess I always have been. I struggle a bit with mental health, physical pain issues, and some sleep problems. There are days when I feel great, hardly have pain, and everything’s pretty great. However, there are also a lot of days when I feel pretty lousy, and that’s been happening a bit lately.
Most of the trouble is coming from loneliness, I think. I feel like if I’m romantically lonely it’s my own fault; I don’t look after myself well enough, I don’t have interesting things to talk about, I’m kinda awkward, whatever… But I also tend to fall hard for men who are already in relationships. So I’ll end up feeling deeply for someone I can’t be with, and be unable to find other men genuinely attractive, which is kind of self sabotage maybe? And in the current case, I know the guy likes me as a person, but I also realise I’ll never get any more than that from him.
This has happened over and over through my life, me always falling for the guys who don’t like me back. At the same time, any guys who potentially might show/have shown an interest are either invisible to me or simply don’t exist. Either way I’ve become so used to the idea that I’ll never hear a true expression of love or admiration from a man I really, really like, that when a moment happens like this evening where a nice guy says it happily/casually as a joke, that makes me lock up and act almost defensively. I get flippant. Someone says “you’re the best, I love you”, and I dismiss it.
It’s terrible, but I feel stuck. I’m not sure how to convince myself that this isn’t forever and that I’m worthy of love from people I might happen to love back. It’s all just gotten a bit frustrating.
Sorry for such a long, rambling response. I’m not sure if it made any sense or not, or if I’m talking garbled rubbish and really need some sleep. But also, thanks again for sending an ask; it’s nice to have got that off my chest to some extent, even in a nonsensical blabbering sort of way!
That’s the consequence of you making it public, I only seen it now and it was just by mere chance. Look, nobody isn’t worthy of love, and this might sound cliché but if you don’t like you then nobody can. Maybe friends and family, but if you want to find true love, you’ll have to give life a shot. Go out there, do something, see someone, look at life in a different way! You might be awkward and weird but nobody isn’t, everyone is insecure and self-conscious, but it all comes down to either hiding it or living with it, and that is what makes a confident person. We all mess up, oy doesn’t matter. As a wise man once said, nothing matters except life and the love you make. But look, on the bright side, you still have a chance. Life lies ahead and there’s so much more to see and do! Sounds like there’s a guy who might potentially be into you, it all comes down to if you like him or not. Build your confidence in your own way, no I’m not going to give you some overused tip that never works, I’ll tell you what really works, first hand experience. You will find your own ways of being confident, maybe its looking after yourself a bit more, maybe its going out in public more, but whatever it is work on it, because these things won’t go away by themselves. Love you, stay safe.